I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
