Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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