If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize