I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
