Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
