I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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