what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
