Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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