i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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