Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
