So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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