yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
