Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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