Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
