I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
