So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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