He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
