just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
