I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
