You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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