I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
