We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
