apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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