i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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