I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
