The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
