They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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