I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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