I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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