Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
