I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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