God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
