Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize