i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
