Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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