i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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