Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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