I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
