dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
