no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
