I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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