If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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