I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
