Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
