FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Say something about gay babies.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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