No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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