I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
