burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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