Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
