Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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