I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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