remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
