porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
