he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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