Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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