dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
what the fuck happened to the tacos
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
