Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's Friday. Sex?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
