i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
