I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
