She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
