Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
