He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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