3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
