And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
