I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it because I queefed?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
