your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
accomplished twins. life is a go
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
