Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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