Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
