my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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