I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
