Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
