Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
