I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize